


Kink-Shaming

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Well it started out as humor and evolved into something else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6899143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Fin get kink-shamed (and flat out discriminated against) when they go on vacation and TSA finds all sorts of goodies in their bag.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kink-Shaming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sidewinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/gifts).



> Inspired by [this post](http://textsfrommunchandfin.tumblr.com/image/143286744879) from textsfrommunchandfin.

Joe and Steve were having a dull fucking day. Most days were – their job was to go through people’s luggage looking for contraband, and it was not exactly the world’s most exciting job. People’s luggage tended to be boring, not a whole lot of new and interesting things in there, and the contraband they did find tended to predictable.

Joe yanked another suitcase towards him with a sigh. “Two more hours,” he said. 

“Hallelujah. Ready to guess?”

After such a long time, they started guessing what they would find in luggage. Joe was winning today. He glanced at the paperwork. “Two men, different last names, same address.”

Steve answered immediately: “Clothes, lotion, lube – extra-large bottle or tube, of course – uh, toiletries…. Probably a no on the condoms if they’re travelling together.”

“Well, let’s see…. _Holy shit, dude,_ ” Joe said, opening the suitcase. “You’re way off – except for the extra-large bottle of lube, they got two of those!”

“What else?” Steve asked, coming over. “Oh, wow, talk about a motherlode. Is that even _their_ bag? That’s a _lot_ of women’s clothes!”

“Let’s see, belly dancer’s outfit, two miniskirts, two pairs of heels, two belly shirts, a _corset_ … You think someone else packed this bag for them?”

“We’d be… what’s it called – remiss in our duties if we ask,” Steve said with a straight face, moving aside the clothes. “Rope, cuffs, a whip, and… well, that’s an impressive sex toy collection. Biggest we’ve ever seen.”

“You’re right, with all these clothes, we’d better have them… double-check this bag is actually theirs.”

*** 

Fin and John were talking quietly at the waiting area for their gate when a TSA agent came up to them and asked them to come with him. Fin sighed heavily – it had been hard enough to get John through security _once_ (it was only the threat of a sex-free vacation that had curbed John’s tongue). Fin wasn’t sure he could get John to behave again, no matter what threats he levied or promises he made.

They entered a room to find one of their suitcases on the table.

“Did you pack this yourselves?”

“We packed all our bags ourselves.”

“Anyone ask you to put something in your bag for them?”

“You know, we already answered all of these questions,” John said testily.

Fin kicked him under the table. “John!” he hissed. “Play nice!”

“Because we don’t think _this_ is your bag,” the TSA agent went on, opening the suitcase. “For two men, you sure have a _lot_ of women’s clothes in there.”

John ground his teeth. “Yeah, and they all fit me. You got a problem with that?”

“You’re saying these clothes are all yours?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. What, you’ve never heard of someone crossdressing before? My husband has a thing for that, thank you very much, and as it’s our _vacation_ , I’m sure gonna blow his mind – unless my belly dancer’s outfit is somehow a threat to national security and you have to take it from us.”

Fin dropped his head onto the table. He should’ve known there was no way around this short of telling them flat-out the clothes were John’s, but he didn’t like trumpeting to everyone his kinks. John, when he got worked up, was a hell of a lot less hesitant.

“You also have a lot of restraints here, including what appear to be police-issue handcuffs.”

“Oh for the love of God, he ties me to the bed and has his wicked way with me, how is that any of your damn business?” John demanded. “Last I checked, restraints aren’t on the contraband list, and I’m not making any abuse claims, _which_ is outside _your_ purview anyway, as a TSA agent!”

“John, shut the fuck up,” Fin said through clenched teeth.

“Hon, they’re kink-shaming us, there was _no other_ reason to bring us in here and go through our bag with us! Wasn’t enough to get a good laugh when you opened it, you had to confront us too? I’ll have your job, young man, I know my rights! You had no reason to pull us aside for show-and-tell. I want your supervisor’s name and your employee ID number, right this fucking second!”

“I did say they were _police-issue_ handcuffs,” the TSA agent said. “Now, who’d you steal ‘em from – cause we can call the cops.”

“I _deeply_ protest having to do this,” John snapped. “But here.” He pulled his badge from his pocket and said, “NYPD, Sergeant John Munch – and I find out you said _anything_ about what you found here you will all be slapped with a lawsuit big enough to take down the entire airline industry. Are you done violating our rights?”

“Unless your… _husband_ has something to say,” the TSA agent said, saying ‘husband’ with as much disdain as possible.

Fin picked up his head at that. John was the more vocal of the two of them, the one who dealt more with the public when they went out, given that John’s… blunt way of putting things tended to get most people to back off, but when Fin got good and riled about the treatment they got as an interracial Jewish/black gay couple, Fin could give as good as John.

“Are you doubtin’ our marriage?” Fin said in a low, angry voice. “Or you got a problem with two men, is that it? Sure as fuck know you wouldn’t’ve pulled in a straight couple for some outfits and a couple of sex toys. Saw two male names on the paperwork, thought you’d come and make the gays regret goin’ on vacation, is that it? You picked the wrong person to fuck with, asshole,” Fin said. “Your life squeaky clean? ‘Cause I’m gonna go through it until I find something to haul your ass in on, and then you’re in _my_ house. 40,000 cops in New York City, jackass, and yeah, not all of them are cool with a gay cop, but you better believe we stick together. You ain’t a brother in blue, no matter what that fancy-ass uniform makes you think, so you just watch your fuckin’ back.”

“Are you _threatening_ a TSA agent?” the agent asked disbelievingly.

Fin stood up. “I’m tellin’ you how… uncomfortable we can make life for you. You think your minimum wage buddies are gonna protect you when we start sniffin’ around?”

“Fin, enough,” John said. “He’s not worth it. On the other hand, I’ll be contacting Ellis about a discrimination suit just as soon as we get back to the city.”

Fin turned and smiled at John. “Well, now, seems to me the kind of case that’s _right_ up his alley.”

“Are we free to go?” John demanded. “Or you got more shit to try to make us uncomfortable about?”

“No, go,” the agent said, shooting them a nasty look. “But I’ll be reporting you to your superiors!” he called after Fin.

“Guess we’d better call Ellis now, get ahead of it,” John said. “Won’t do much if we can show we have a pending suit.”

“Now, see, that’s why I love you, babe,” Fin said. “Quick on your feet, I love that.”

“Mmm, you better love a lot more after I just told people flat-out you like me in pretty clothes.”

Fin laughed and pulled John in for a quick kiss. “Well now, are you fishin’ for a list?”

“I’ll take the abridged version this time,” John conceded.


End file.
